Genessaret

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" Matthew 14:31

Could you imagine, Jesus, God, saying this to you? With a gentle frown on his face, "ye of little faith," and then comes the loving commanding question, "why did you doubt?" What would my answer be? Looking back into the face of God. Gazing at Him on the water that night; I doubted, God, because...
the wind was blowing. i thought i could do it on my own. i was scared. i couldn't trust you. i don't love you. i'm strong enough. i can do it. i'm fearful. you're not enough. the water was above my ankle. i got distracted. i was on my own. Andrew was laughing. other people don't believe in You. i'm enough. you're not enough. can it really be. my heart was fixed upon something else. i can't give everything over to you. you are not enough. you're right in front of me, but i can't follow. i'm afraid. i love myself too much. i'm selfish. i want to be in control. are you really enough? i'm prideful. i thought i could. redo. i'm stronger. i am human. sin.
Why Lord? Why did I doubt?

I am Peter, sinking in the water, with Christ strongly looking me square in the face asking, "why did you doubt?" Again and again I try to control situations and somehow love people into loving You. With such a half hearted attempt at showing them who Christ is; I do it for myself, because that's what 'good' believers do, right? I am Peter, asking Christ, "tell me to come to you on the water." And when Christ does, and provides, I shriek, out of fright, because what or whom could be so powerful to keep me afloat? I'm walking on water! And yet, he saves me. Over and over and over again. He continues to be patient with me, His child, and shows me that He is in fact always in control. That is me. "You of little faith."

The last thing I would have thought come from her mouth would be, "I have been wanting to go back to church for a long time."

Lord, you prepared her heart. You allowed me to walk on water. You continue to open her heart to the gospel and you use me as a mouthpiece to show her what Your gospel truly means. Dying a torturous death, on a cross, crucified by our sin; defeating death to be our sacrifice, so that we can look into our loving Father's face. Father, please help me have more faith, help me not stumble and fall into the water. I know that you will always catch me. I pray that You will catch her too. Be with her throughout this time, Lord, I know she needs you right now. Allow a community to come around her and love her. Provide for her God. Open her eyes to you, Jesus. Allow me to follow You and worship You, and let your light shine, Christ.

and all who touched him were healed. Matthew 14:34

broke

The fate of the downtrodden, the abused, the lonely, the beaten up and misguided in some regards is up to us, as a society, a community, and in my case a believer. But what happens when the community, our society - lets those who are undirected keep on keeping on? When we are too involved in our own lives to see that others are hurting, that other people need more help than us. Usually we walk right past them and tell ourselves that it's their problem, they did it to themselves and we forget to take into account the experiences and the life they have lived through. What happens when we don't create rules for those who desperately need guidance and help? How is it we externalize all hurt and pain of others' lives and don't seem to care? And why is it that when we do step in and start to show we care, the misled seem to not want our help in the first place? You can give someone a place to live and something to eat, and yet you can't infuse them with responsibility. Maybe that's why we stop caring, because it just is too much work and everyone knows we don't have time. We don't have time to teach a developing person all the things their mother should have taught them, like a sense of responsible independence, a sense of thankfulness, the feeling of love. Because, quite frankly, we hardly know how to do it ourselves.

And yet some press on. Some continue to work with these hurting, misguided people, who we love, only because there is something in us that wants to desperately love and help them. We want to piece their life together because at one time or another someone loved us. Because we can't imagine a world where we have never experienced love - and we can't imagine the emptiness that has to fill the hearts of those who have never felt it. And because of that emptiness, the unloved take the actions of the loved as completely ludicrous and are unappreciated of the true love they are experiencing. A free gift, with no strings attached, given to them only because that person absolutely and fully loves them. And at that point, the person receiving the love has no idea what to do, has no idea how to react, because they have never been loved before.

We struggle so hard not to be loved and yet God lavishes his grace and love abundantly upon us. We turn and ran away, and sometimes try to kick Love in the face because we simply do not know how to be loved. And He continues to give. and Love. and forgive. and for the rest of our lives we will have to continue to allow our barriers to come down, because we are afraid of getting hurt and scarred again. and still He loves us. and sometimes there is tough love, but this love is a good, full, absolutely pure Love. And when accepted it changes our lives.

This is why I try to love those who have never been loved before. Not knowing Love, pure, true love is a tragedy. To not ever feel needed, or respected, or worthy is .... something I can not put into words - but can see it on faces. This is why we are called to love. This is why even though it is frustrating and hard, we must try to love those who are hurting and have so deep of scars on their hearts that only God can know and heal them, & I pray He will. How do we teach people responsibility and give them a sense of self worth? We love them. And sometimes that means we practice 'tough love.' They are shown there are consequences to their actions but that doesn't mean the love ceases to exist, that they are loved fully no matter what.

And maybe, just maybe, people will start to understand.