my golden calf

When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, "Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him." So Aaron said to them, "Take off the rings of gold that are in that are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me." So all the people took off the rings of gold that were in their ears and brought them to Aaron. And he received the gold from their hand and fashioned it with a graving tool and made a golden calf. And they said, "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!" Exodus 32:1-4

My heart relates all too well with this text. Every day I choose to worship some ridiculous golden calf that I molded myself, making myself believe that it will truly give me hope, that it will redeem me, that my god will provide for what I crave at that very second, that this god I created can give me everything I have hoped and dreamed of, everything I have waited for, everything that my heart desires. Yet because I have created it, because I have put it on a throne instead of looking to the only right, and true God, it will never give me true satisfaction, true love, true joy, because it came from me. Although my god does not look like a golden calf, I relate so closely with the Israelites. My golden calf is a cruel love of acceptance, a lust for relationship, a self motivated worship of me.

There has been too many times that I have turned my back on the Lord to worship myself. What words are to be said to rock us out of this love of self, into a love of Creator? I remember the gospel, how Christ was sent to die for my sin. My sin is the reason Christ had to suffer, to allow me to have a relationship with God, so that I may be guiltless and stand in front of Yahweh. I have to remember the truth that God loves me, no matter how many times I walk away from Him. God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 The thought that I can look forward to a day where there will be no more sin, no more aching, no more worship of self, no more hatred of serving others, that there will no longer be starvation, or death is glorious! This is how my golden calf is smashed, broken to pieces by the word of God, For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Romans 8:22-24

I hope in a hope that I do not see, because what else is there to hope for? Everything else will melt away, everything else will return to dust. God promises me, if I keep on serving Him, if I continue to confess my sins and turn from the worship of myself and anything else that comes along with that, that I will enter into His presence and worship Him. My heart will be filled with the thing that I have always been looking for, our Creator. It is so hard to remember this when I'm looking to myself instead. Yet, He continues to love me, He continues to pour out his grace on me, and He continues to remind me that He is the true God.

So there is an incalculable, faultless, eternal God who loves the frail beings He made with a crazy kind of love. Even though we could die at any moment and generally think our puny lives are pretty sweet compared to loving Him, He persists in loving us with unending, outrageous love. Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

Cling to this.